A little more than two years ago, when I was standing in the company President’s office explaining why I was quitting my job, I told him: “I’m going to become one of the best wedding photographers in California!” Quite ridiculous, huh? But I genuinely believed it with all my heart. Somewhere along the way, I had picked up this silly conviction that if I set my mind on something, it will come to pass. Maybe it’s a positive can-do attitude, or maybe it’s just foolish naiveté, but there are very few aspirations I believe to be beyond my reach.
On my ever-growing dreams list: Go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, take part in the bull rush in Spain, see the Aurora Borealis in the far north? Sure! Study cooking under a gourmet chef? It’s just a matter of finding time. Book a $10k wedding, be published in a national magazine, watch my inspiration Jingna do a photoshoot? Probably all within a few years. Spend 3 straight weeks every year living in a foreign country? I could probably start right now, if I really wanted to.
All these, I intuitively know will happen. Afraid to dream? Not me!
But then a couple weeks ago, something unexpected happened. I was working on some personal development homework, and the assignment was to imagine what my “perfect life” would be like. Section 1 started off with marriage and family, and so I wrote down the first thing that came to mind:
My wife will be the most beautiful woman in the world.
And then … I stopped writing. My fingers froze, and I had to push myself away from my desk. I literally couldn’t continue, because out of somewhere, I began to be afraid.
In the last several years, as I’ve started to see my dreams become reality, I’ve become more bold, and my dreams become bigger. Yet when it comes to relationships, a part of me had been unconsciously holding back, not daring to hope for much. It seems a little ironic, considering that my clients are couples who are so wonderfully in love. But I suppose the fear had slowly built up over time as I’ve witnessed example after example of failed relationships. There are so many couples out there who spend years together, only to break things off because they were going no where. I have friends who I once thought were a perfect couple, but suddenly out of the blue, announce they are getting divorced. One of my heroes in the wedding photography industry just separated from his wife of 15 years. It was so sad because barely a year ago, as I saw the playful banter between the two of them, I had thought, These two were meant for each other! Their personalities seem so well balanced, their complementary skills seemed to fit hand in glove. But all that came to an end.
All relationships start out full of hope and love, with that intense and inexplicable attraction binding two hearts together. But the vast majority never last long, and very few make it to the altar. Of those couples who do end up getting married, close to half result in divorce. And for the rest who decide to stick it out, love–the very thing that started it all–has long been lost. Precious few are able to fulfill their vows of “I promise … to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”
I have an intense aversion to the ordinary life, and for the most part, I have been able to get away with it. But when it comes to love … will I be able to buck the trend? Will I be able to have that coveted life-long companionship, where love and respect deepens as the years go by, and the flame–though it may waver at times–never flickers out? I had not allowed myself to hope.
* * * * * * *
We all have dreams, you and me. Most dreams are the ones we entertain for fun, with no serious chance of them coming to pass, and no serious plans to attempt anyway. A few dreams are the ones where, if fueled with enough passion, good ol’ fashion hard work, and a big dose of luck, will cross that boundary between dream and reality.
Then there are those quiet dreams we are afraid of voicing, those hopes we don’t dare express aloud, because once we do, it becomes real, becomes something solid enough to be smacked down. These dreams often seem so insurmountable we might as well be trying to climb Mount Everest. “Don’t be silly,” we’ve been told enough times growing up that it’s been ingrained into our psyche. “That’ll never happen.” And so we’ve been conditioned to lower our expectations to what seems realistic, and tell ourselves to be content with that. Why set our hopes so high that we’ll be disappointed again? But often times, these are the very dreams that are closest to our hearts, and in some ways, to deny them would be to deny an integral part of who we really are.
Why dream for the impossible? My personal philosophy: life is too short to settle for the mediocre and the easy. Take a look at the lives of those who have made it beyond all odds and listen to their stories–they were reaching for the stars while everybody around them was trying to play it safe. There is a part of us that hungers for what they have done. And if you were watching the winter Olympics several weeks back, you would have heard story after story of Olympians who rose out of poverty and extenuating circumstances to overcome the odds. No, we are not all meant to be Olympians or live epic lives worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster. But we all have our own personal Everest to climb. Will anything bad happen if we don’t attempt the mountain? Not at all. In fact, most will spend their lives passing off the mountain as a fancy. But very few will take a deep breath, acknowledge the very real possibility of failure, and at the end realize, “I have to climb this. I’m going to do this.”
* * * * * * *
Several days later, I finally finished the assignment:
I will be married to the most beautiful woman in the world. I will be her biggest fan, and she will be mine. We will fight occasionally, but our love and respect for each other will be far deeper than any pride that keeps us apart. The sex will be mind-blowing; our connection will occasionally reach psychic levels; and our adventures will be numerous and crazy enough that we’ll have to write a book for our grandkids. We will bring out the very best in each other, and together, we’ll be UNSTOPPABLE! We will count ourselves to be one of the luckiest couples alive …
Your turn: Spend some time this week to quiet your heart. What are your dreams? Not the obvious ones. Not the ones that bubble close to the surface. Look deeper: what are those quiet hopes you have hidden deep within? I’d love to hear. Feel free to share in the comments section down below, or in the facebook re-post.
great post
by Junshien
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